i feel calm again

this is the longest period of lowness I have felt since Jamie died. I just feel tired, so so tired of feeling sad, of being stuck in this bubble of grief, of feeling alone in my little world. I think I'm feeling a little bit depressed, but hopefully I'll feel stronger again soon. My grief is like an unknown journey, I don't know where the hard parts are and how long they will last and sometimes I feel very ill-equipped to deal with them.

But today I feel calm again, not so angry and tearful. I have decided to give myself some space today so Lucy is in Nursery all day, she'll love it and I get some time on my own to think and just sit and drink tea if I want to.

Lizzie's little boy Jacob was born yesterday - exactly 3 months older than Jamie. I am so happy for her and I will go to visit them in Nottingham in a couple of weeks time. It'll be emotional but it will also be lovely. I need to be able to celebrate new life and enjoy other people's babies.

I miss Jamie right down to my bones and I really don't know how long it is going to be before it stops hurting quite as much but I also feel so so happy to have Gary and our girls, we have a lot to be grateful for.