Tuesday, December 02, 2008

We are now approaching our second Christmas without Jamie. I feel a mixture of lost and found, happy and sad. Life is going as well as it can be - my girls are fantastic, I am busy, I have some great friends and the love of a good man but some days I feel so so lost and wonder whether that will ever end. For my girls, I am looking forward to Christmas but I know it will also be emotional and, at times, unbearable.

I would do anything to have my boy back with us again. I have to figure out how to close the gap in my life because some days it just hurts too much. Am I to experience this for the rest of my life? To lose a child has to be the hardest experience in the world because it lasts a lifetime, a wound that never properly heals.

I have to work out how to be happier - I have so much to be happy about but my head won't let me relax and enjoy life.


Blogger Shannon said...

No, you do not have to work out how to be happier, you have to work out how to accept that Jamie was, is and will always be a part of your life, there will be sad times, but there are also the very good times.

You are a good, woman my love. You have fantastic girls and a loving husband, but you have also been through a harrowing time, and you will all deal with the gap in your own way. NEVER, never think that you have to "get over" this loss.

Sorry - if that came across as waffle, but you are wonderful and its saddens me to think that you feel sad because your still missing Jamie, your aloud too!

8:20 PM  

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