Monday, March 30, 2009

I'm feeling ok, life is moving by and ticking over. But I feel very detached from life, like I am just going through the motions. Every few days I feel connected and energised and it feels amazing, like I am truly alive, but then I am back to feel distanced and separate from the world around me again. Is this grief or depression or both? I really don't know.
I miss you so much, words truly can't express how much my heart and my arms ache for you. I have to keep reminding myself how poorly you were, how painful and difficult your life may have been but that doesn't stop me imagining the troublesome, noisy, nosy little boy I should have with me now. I feel robbed of my much wanted and loved third child and I miss you so so much.
I really thought I would feel better almost two years later, and in many ways I do, but the wound is still raw and painful and I'm wondering how long, if ever, this healing will take.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thinking of you Janine, feel free to get in touch any time even if you feel miserable. You are fab and you are doing the very, very best you can. Take care

5:25 PM  

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