I haven't shed many tears this month but I feel very lost and confused. I miss you and I really want you and I am struggling with the thought of not having anymore children. I need some time, some space, some cuddles, some love and some laughter to try to get my head straight.

I haven't been well this month and that has given me lots of time wrapped up in my duvet to think and reflect. I need to look after myself and focus on putting my head together. Sometimes, I am so wrapped up in missing you and feeling pissed off with everyone and no-one that I am missing the good stuff I have in my life. Your sisters are my life, they keep my heart beating, they are funny and silly and crazy and kind and caring and thoughtful and cuddly and just amazing.

Your dad is just the best man on the planet - he is loving and funny and thoughtful and strong and caring and romantic and sexy and clever and hard working and beautiful and he is my soulmate, my best friend.

But I feel hopeful for this year, I have given myself permission to take it easy, work towards getting better this year and to focus on my family, friends and my home - the good stuff.
You will never be far from my thoughts my beautiful little boy but I need to move on, I can't grieve like this forever, it just hurts too much and my heart is broken.