I've had such a lovely week. Alice has returned to school and she loves it, Lucy has had her nursery visit and she starts on Monday. I have felt happy and peaceful, I haven't cried often, I have been able to talk about Jamie and feel peace that he was so poorly and now he he isn't suffering anymore and feel happy that we had him for those 3 days and he has left us with memories and strength as a family.

But today I am so so lost again and I'm so angry. Why wasn't I allowed to keep my boy, I miss him so much and I want him back. I would do anything to hold him, to kiss him, to stroke his hair, to tickle his feet, to just have him back. I am a good mum, I love my children, Jamie was a very wanted baby and I feel his loss everyday.