Friday, September 07, 2007

I've had such a lovely week. Alice has returned to school and she loves it, Lucy has had her nursery visit and she starts on Monday. I have felt happy and peaceful, I haven't cried often, I have been able to talk about Jamie and feel peace that he was so poorly and now he he isn't suffering anymore and feel happy that we had him for those 3 days and he has left us with memories and strength as a family.

But today I am so so lost again and I'm so angry. Why wasn't I allowed to keep my boy, I miss him so much and I want him back. I would do anything to hold him, to kiss him, to stroke his hair, to tickle his feet, to just have him back. I am a good mum, I love my children, Jamie was a very wanted baby and I feel his loss everyday.


Blogger Shannon said...

Me again - your feelings are so understandable, as anyone will tell you. You are a good mum. He knows that, we know that, you know that.

Hang on in there lovely. Things will get better with each day, if not easier.

I cant say it enough, Im here if you need a shoulder, drink, rant...

10:19 PM  
Blogger niobe said...

It is terribly hard and it just doesn't make any sense, no matter how hard you try to understand. I'm so sorry.

11:27 PM  

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