Thursday, August 03, 2006

a wow moment!!

So simple but it's just hit me that I've been so wrapped up in "i'm so busy, i'm so tired, I've got so much to do" that I've forgotten that I can do what I like, I am busy because I'm doing to work I enjoy and choose to do, I am busy because I have 2 amazing children. I am living the life I want to live, it doesn't sound like much to some people but to me it is fantastic, although I need to remember that I choose this life and I need to enjoy it a little more.
I live in a lovely town, I have some great friends, I have a fantastic husband and best friend, I have 2 amazing little girls who make my life light up, I can walk them to school, I live near the beach.
I knew I wasn't happy with myself but I couldn't figure out why and tonight I have - I have been making excuses for not losing weight, I have been making excuses for not doing stuff with the kids or with gary because I have always got work to do but I need to find a balance and stop making excuses, there will always be other stuff to do.
This will make sense to no-one else but I think a fresh start is happening as regards where my head is at, I've felt really confused lately about what I am doing and feeling but I feel clearer tonight that I have done for months. I am the only one who can make changes and I am going to do just that and start enjoying my lovely life more.
My girls are growing up so quickly and, while I do more with them than alot of parents, I still feel I could do more.
The biggest thing getting me down lately is my weight and my relationship with food. Only I can change this and I need to start before it is too late. I need to take control of what I eat and how I exercise to get fit again and to lose weight. I want to be a positive role model for my daughters and I don't feel that I can be that the way I am now.
i love my husband, my girls, my work and my life but I don't love myself very much and that has to change. I only get one shot at this life and I don't want to be in a position where I become depressed and out of control with my life.